An open letter to Her highness Hina Rabbani Khar

Dear Hina Rabbani Khar,

First of all, I would like to say that you are too beautiful to ignore. So, I thought it will be better to let you know what I feel about you rather than sulking with the feeling of burning desires in my heart. I have been your fan (or a.c. or cooler or whatsoever cooling mediums exist) since the day I had heard about you for the very first time. It was kind of crush at first sight, and then it nurtured as the media sponsored obsession. But we will talk about it some other time later on.

After listening all your statements and interviews in media these days, it’s very painful to say that you appears to be similar to KRK* in SRK’s disguise.  You are alleging our Prime Minister (Maunmohan Singh) to be indulged into corruption. He might be, but still it’s our totally internal matter and we will indigenously solve it at our own in election 2014. You just please keep your beak away from it. Please. Had we told you anything when your Prime Minister was ordered to put behind the bars? Or when the investigation officer of that case was murdered?

You have this exotic taste for Roberto cavalla sunglasses, Herman Birkin bags, trendy designer dresses for which you invariably takes thousands time of thinking before buying them. Then how come you hadn’t even invested a second or two in weighing your words before uttering those golden words about our country? Few people, after listening your interviews, are saying that you are not FM (Foreign Minister), instead you are an entertaining FM Radio. But I don’t give a damn to those people because only I could understand your affair with Mr. Billawal.

Talking of affairs, you are the head of Ministry of External Affairs but considering your exemplary records in affairs within your nation you are far better at internal affairs rather. You said your army hadn’t committed any ceasefire violation. Still there are more than hundreds of violation has been reported during your tenure.  You find our Army General’s comment as hostile but I truly respect your view about Indians. Your soldiers can behead our soldiers and we can’t even express our anger. Not even verbally. I guess beheading our soldiers is not as hostile as what our Army General had addressed to the nation, right? Also your PROFESSIONAL-JIHADI ARMY is too innocent to be blamed.

You are asking for Kashmir but your country can’t even afford food for your citizens. How can you compare your nation with ours’?  Our ministers had digested as much amount in scams as your country’s annual national budget.  You said Pakistan is the biggest victim of terrorism. Well, we can’t say anything over it. It’s your home-grown ISI-nurtured terror, your problem. You deal with it.  You are actually the political edition of Veena Malik, who stays in news without doing anything productive.

You come to India and I am pretty much sure that son of our honourable President will tag you with the phrases like dented and painted. You will be molested in public if you will not get DIKSHA from our national (in)saint ASARAM BAPU. You might face protests for wearing fashionable dresses and holding mobile. You might also be asked to leave our nation by Shivsena, or fatwa may be issued against you by our KHAP panchayats (contract-holding agency for protecting our national culture ). You might be make to understand the difference beween INDIA and BHARAT. Our opponent leader will ask for 10 heads of your army-men if you don't return the remaining of our soldier's body. But we have Human Right Activists in our country who drool over all the stupid acts all the time but shut the **** up when an innocent killed/raped/harassed. They actually are bound to protest against the incidents where they'll get enough media coverage and national exposure.

Nevertheless, we are planning to make Digvijay Singh our External Affair Minister to counter your stupidity… err Intelligence. It's not that other ministers available for it, we have Manish Tiwari and Rashid Alvi as well to counter your comments for that matter. But we, as being an apparently politically democratic country, believe in giving preference to our elder stupid… oops I mean intellectuals. Talking of the reservation, we have the 33% female reservation in our country too and hence we have several female politicians too in these categories but we don’t want to let them talk to you. They are way out of your league.

By the way, I guess we both have limited time. We both have to rant about all the stuff without doing anything productive.

Yours Sincerely,

Almost Engineer,

Engineer by chance stupid by choice.
Most importantly, an Indian.