Friday, January 18, 2013

If Lance Armstrong was Indian... (part-2)

Click to read it's previous part.

Although, the judicial trial would have been never complete and the case would be trialed for generations. His grandson would have been fade up of trials and end up with his grand-dad conviction of 5 year jail with Rs. 20,000 fine in the end. The case would have been closed after receiving the fine because the culprit would had been died his natural death due heart-attack or high blood pressure or high cholesterol in his blood, 85 years ago.

Coming back to the trials, news has organized separate media trial for each and every news channel which are to be aired on every channel at the prime time when the mango man are bound to digest this news with their daal-roti on their dining table. Justice Sri Arnab Goswami has been invited him for the debate on the news hour along with few pseudo-intellectuals and apparently busy political leaders. Then he would have been darting zillions of question in his Viagra-sponsered enthusiastic voice on Lance Armstrong which he has to answer. For every unanswered or inappropriately answered question, Sir Arnab would have forced him to respond saying “Sir with all due respect, I want to say that you are changing the topic. I want you to please respond, sir. THE NATION WANTS TO KNOW.

Sri Asaram Bapu must have blamed the cycle manufacturer for this doping because according to him doping cannot be done without the provocation of the cycle manufactures. Both of them must have been collectively culprit and tough law against doping is not advisable because it may leads to framing few innocents. He might also suggested that lance could not have been doped himself if he had taken diksha from him. Lance on the other hand blame opposition Party for framing this charge upon him and will also couldn’t deny the probability of indulgence of videshi haath in the incident. Sushma Swaraj must have asked for snatching 70 titles from him for doping in 7 titles he had won so far.

He, after confessing his doping must have denied later saying that he has been quoted out of context. His community peoples must have organized protests, Bharat bandh and communal roits in the country. Digvijay Singh must have indicated an RSS hand behind his doping scandal and Mohan Bhagwat would have said “these kind of doping incidents are done in India only; Bharat is still a dope-free nation”. His manager would have issued a press release saying that “all these allegations are baseless and politically motivated. We are targeted because we belong to minority community.”
Also, he would have receives tons of invitation from Big Boss 7, Jhalak Dikhla Ja, Nach Baliye, KBC, Saregamapa and several other TV shows. He must be contestant of next Big Boss and would become a twitter celeb after that. He might be approached by Cycle Agarbatti and signed a contract for becoming their brand ambassador. He could also become the brand ambassador for Hero Cycle or Atlas cycles. He would have also approached by the TV shows to become the Judge of the reality shows. Aamir Khan would have approached him for his next bollywood venture or possibly would have ask him to confess him on his show SATYAMEV JAYATE where everyone else would have been crying except, of course him, the Lance.

Moreover, he would have been spent all his time blaming Cricket for the underrated success of cycling. After his consecutive efforts, cycling would have been declared as the national game but still no one will give a damn and cricket will still remains their favorite sport. He would have been allotted a government flat and a job where he’ll become pot-bellied because of all the bribery he will receive. Otherwise, after retirement, he would have become the doodhwala and deliver milk door-to-door to earn his livelihood. Still, he would have doped the milk by adulterating it with water to make few extra bucks.
Or worst is, he would have been died being unknown all his life, earning roti, kapda aur makan for his family.

With all due respect,
Almost Engineer

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Bhopal. Delhi. Mumbai. Thrissur, India
A grammatically challenged blogger. Typos are integral part of blogging