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Friday, January 18, 2013

If Lance Armstrong was Indian.....





Those who don’t know who Lance Armstrong is should surely need some of drug or something. But before that, I request them to please stay away from this blogpost.

Before beginning the blurb (or blurt, if you say so), I must admit that no matter what had been happened so far, I have this irrevocable respect for this champion cyclist. It never matters for me if he had taken any banned drug to enhance his testosterone level. He had won 7 Tour de France title consecutively. Although he had been doped himself for the same, which he has accepted himself in Oprah Winfrey’s show aired on Thursday and Friday night.

Now twitter community, as being known for ripping the bark of the hairs had did the same to this event as they do for others. One of the trending topics on twitter for last 48 hours is “What if Lance Armstrong was Indian” which has driven me to post about it on my blog, here.

If, however, Lance Armstrong was Indian, he couldn’t have won as much popularity as he has now, in the first place. The simple reason behind this is it is India my dear. No matter how efficient and talented in any sport you are in this country, if it wasn’t cricket, it almost doesn’t exist at all. Moreover, his parents had never encouraged him for the useless sports like cycling. He was forced to commute to his IIT coaching center on his cycle everyday to mug all those books which average Indian teenagers have to have to study regardless of his choice. In his country, success might be weighed on several scales; we Indian are bound to measure the success of a person by his IIT-JEE score followed by GATE or CAT score. He would have become an Engineer and working for any MNC or pursuing some MS degree from an American College, after MBBS and will come back to India after few years to start practice. Alma-matters dude. His neighbours would have tease him sarcastically saying “abhi tak sykal hi chala rahe ho, bike kyun nahi kharid lete?” (Still peddling the bicycle? Why don’t you buy a motor-cycle?).  He would have completed his MBA and become an ENTERPRENEUR and update it on his Facebook “About me” to impress girls.


It really needs balls to confess about what you do at the point where he is now. But if he was in India, the situation would have been other way round. Here, he would have been exposed by Sri sri 108 baba Arvind Kejriwal at some press-conference and we Indian might have judging the culprit on TV, Internet and newspapers. After then, he might have been joined Samajwadi Party as they have cycle as their Party emblem. Nevertheless, he would have never received any ministry because SP supremo his highness Sri Mulayam Singh Yadav have so many relatives to choose from. Hurt by this normal behavior of his Party, he would have joined BJP or Congress or any other political Party to teach them a lesson but end up with the same lesson again.


He had confessed for doping after two decades and probably will be trialed and convicted very soon. But if he was in India, ACP Pradyuman has been already commented “kuchh to gadbad hai? Abhijeet pata lagao ki cycle kis dukan se kharidi gayi thi. Poora desh chhan maaro, ek bhi cycle wala chhootna nahi chahiye, sabse poochhtachh karo.” (There is something wrong. Abhijeet, investigate that where does he bought the cycle. Interrogate every cycle shop in the country. No one must be spared, ask EVERYONE). Americans might took about 20 years to make him confess about what he did, but here in India, our national door-breaker, CID officer Daya would have done it by his magical, mighty slap only. How cute and time saving process we have.


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Bhopal. Delhi. Mumbai. Thrissur, India
A grammatically challenged blogger. Typos are integral part of blogging